"If you're still looking for happiness, you're not looking deep enough."
Fifteen years ago, I had the opportunity to meet a shaman. As I walked to the house where he was supposed to give his lecture, I imagined him with a feather on his head and a necklace made of wolf teeth, instead of pearls. There were also leaves in that picture and also one big curved stick. I've been thinking of the most unusual questions I could ask him, because you don't meet a shaman every day.
The excitement grew as I looked for him in a room full of people, which smelled of cedar. He sat surrounded by beaming faces that absorbed his every word.
At first glance, he seemed quite ordinary. There were no feathers, leaves or sticks anywhere. The white cotton blouse was adorned with a necklace of colorful beads strung like a rosary. I approached him and saw that he was anything but ordinary. Eyes and smile radiated love, the energy was so strong that it seemed dense.
I introduced myself and after a few sentences, I realized that I was talking with walking wisdom. At one point, while talking about his experiences of living in a tribe inhabiting the Siberian tundra, he stopped and asked me, "Anya, are you happy when you laugh so much?" I spread a smile from ear to ear, and said, "Yes, I am, why do you ask?" - "Um, nothing, something seemed to me ... I'll just tell you that life has taught me that the saddest people laugh best."
I didn't know what to tell him then. Everything that came to my mind sounded like an excuse. Fortunately, he was wise enough to recognize the process that was underway in me. He looked at me gently and said, "It's important to know what it means for us to be happy, so we know if we're happy now, because happiness means being satisfied with ourselves even when we're sad."
This is not the end of my story with the shaman, it actually represents the beginning of my journey inside myself. It is a path of self-discovery and awakening from a dream that I have called life for too long. The change could only begin when I was completely honest with myself. I'm not going to lie to you, my first reaction after meeting him was anger: "Who is he to determine if I'm sad or not?! Where does he get the right ?! Each of my questions delved deeper and deeper into my “happiness” and revealed more and more sadness to me. That sadness wanted to come out of the shadows, to be seen, to be heard, because she had so much to say, because she had so much to teach me ...
How many times have you thought so far, that “you’re out of luck” or that “you’re not that lucky”? Maybe you don't feel like the happiest person right now? Wouldn't it be nice if you were born "under a lucky star"?
One of my favorite poets wrote about happiness that: "... happiness is beautiful only while waiting, while it only gives a hint of itself ..."
When clients come to coaching, the most common topic is something they want to resolve, achieve, change ... take some action to make them happier. When I ask them - how will you know when you have reached that happiness? - they usually do not have a very clear and precise answer. My next questions then arise on their own - What exactly is happiness for you? What do you look like when you are happy? What are you doing then? What other emotions do you feel? Remember the situation when you were very happy? As you remember that event, do you feel happy? ...
The most common answer to this last question is: yes. I almost always joke a little after that "yes" with the following sentence: "so that's it, you're happy! Then, you can go home now and take that happiness with you" ....
The truth is the following: happiness is not something that is achieved, but what is nurtured.
Happiness is a state of mind, which allows us to feel good in our skin, or if our skin tightens us, that we are okay with replacing it with a larger size.
The only way to become happy is to live what we are, not what is expected of us.
Because, if we think we will be happy when: ... something changes in our lives, around us, in the country we live in, in the behavior of partners, bosses, children ... maybe when we finish this project, then the next one, then the next one... we may eventually give it up.
Happiness comes when we stop waiting for it, and take responsibility for ourselves and our lives. Then we can begin to change our view of the world and ourselves. Otherwise, what happens to many can happen to us - we can miss life, waiting for it to pass and hoping that it will happen to us at some point.
I'm sorry, my dear lady poet, but I can't agree with your definition of happiness, I won't wait, nor will I enjoy the hints!
Happiness is always in us, but we often are not.
When we align our thoughts with emotions and actions, we become attuned to ourselves. In a word, satisfied.
To achieve this, it is necessary to have an optimistic state of mind. I believe that you all know at least one person who "thinks optimistically", who knows how to "easily" deal with challenging situations, about whom they often say: "Oh, it's easy for her ...!"
I wouldn't go into that now, why it's harder for you, and why you're not so lucky, and why this or that happened to you ... because I would open Pandora's box in which all possible excuses of the victim are hidden. However, I will leave the story of the roles we like to play for another time.
An optimistic state of mind is key to being able to be happy.
To emphasize right away, being optimistic does not mean "I put everything bad that happens to me under the carpet and pretend that it doesn't exist, or I pretend to be lucky by forcing a fake smile from ear to ear." On the contrary, it just means lifting that carpet as often as possible to reveal all that is hidden there and that is sabotaging our happiness. There we can meet all our fears, look challenges and problems in the eye and promise them a solution.
This can be very difficult because it requires us to:
stop being victims and take responsibility.
stop being part of the problem, but someone who is working to find a solution.
replace our cynical and critical attitudes towards the world and ourselves with supportive thoughts full of love.
And perhaps most importantly, that:
We need to accept what is happening to us, and allow ourselves to learn something from it, become better, stronger and ready for new challenges.
I believe that life is a dance with the universe. A special relationship between the situations that the universe sends us and our reactions to them. You will agree that today you would not be you if you were not shaped by those beautiful and less beautiful events that you experienced.
Every problem is reflected in its solution, but sometimes the mirror is blurred.
In order for our mind to find options for a solution, it is necessary to clear its gaze. Sometimes it can be useful to take a step back or change position and look at the situation from another angle.
We need to train our mind, for a new more optimistic way of thinking. It's not simple. We have practiced this mind we have today all our lives. It is not easy to give it up, it often feels like we are giving up ourselves. But believe me, in order to return to ourselves, sometimes it is necessary to go astray. It is often painful and does not seem to lead to happiness, and that is why it is easier when you have support. Support can be a good friend, a coach with a special program for you.
This is exactly the reason why I want to share with you 5 ways that help me maintain an optimistic state of mind and come back to myself when I get lost. These steps teach me how to walk on the path to various goals, ideas and projects satisfied and happy. And when it's not easy for me, remind me that I'm just learning and that everything is just as it should be. Because it will dawn, it always dawns.
5 ways to awaken happiness (yourself):
1. Say "thank you" - for everything you have, what you have gone through, what you have learned so far. Think about what you imply and what is really important to you. I love doing my gratitude ritual while energizing myself with the Reiki method. Reiki always fills me with energy, helps me to heal on all levels and to reach the desired questions and answers.
2. Meditate - because the mind is like water, only when it is calm does it show you all the treasures it hides. The phenomenal application I use for meditation is Gaia.
3. Look back - ask yourself a question (ideally before bed) - what happened to me today? This trains the brain to perceive beautiful thoughts. To focus primarily on the positive. You will be surprised how many beautiful things there are in your day. Maybe someone sent you a nice message, gave you a smile, surprised you. Maybe you found out some good news, or saw a beautiful flower, a couple of pigeons in love on the way from work to home ...? Maybe you’ll see it more and more from now on?
This is a phenomenal exercise that you can also do with your children before going to bed, in order to cultivate an optimistic state of mind from an early age.
4. Contribute - do something nice for someone from your environment, or for a complete stranger. A text message or a smile can sometimes be invaluable to a person who is lonely.
5. Be honest - talk to yourself - Think about it, what part of you is currently dissatisfied, maybe sad or angry? What can you do now to feel better. If you feel guilty, allow yourself forgiveness. Because I repeat, everything in life is there for us to learn, to be better, to be more in tune with ourselves. It often helps me to do this conversation in the form of a diary. The diary endures everything, clears and calms the mind. And I always rejoice when it points me to a good idea that leads to a solution.
It turns me inward, to the deepest parts of my being, right where my essence is and where happiness sleeps.
Here is one interesting thing, Watch the video about Bhutan, a country where happiness is valued in the most beautiful way possible - by the Constitution.